Posted by: Meghan | May 27, 2010

May 26, 2010

Whew. “Yesterday” was a little intense for me to write. Yesterday is in quotes because I just wrote most of that like two minutes ago.

Back to fiction?

Yes, please.

I wrote this in my anatomy and physiology class. And that’s all the background I decided to share.

It doesn’t have a title.

—————–

It’s going to be something little when it actually happens. It might not even be something you notice right at first. Sometimes, it could just be waking up one day and feeling a change in the air, feeling something new in the world. But it could also be waking up and not feeling anything changed at all, but just knowing everything is changing. It’s going to be different for everyone. I think most people don’t even notice it. I mean, think about. If everyone noticed it, the world would be all hectic. All these innocent people walking around being paranoid that “today is the day,” all these people stressing out over something inevitable…

This feeling… it’s kind of like that feeling you get when you’re coming off a few really off days. Like the moment that breaks you out of that funk. How something really small just clicks in your head and makes you step back and take a deep breath. Like that moment where you just think, “Oh…” and realize everything is suddenly okay again, or maybe that everything was okay to begin with and you were just the screwed up one through it all.

I guess in the long run, it’s better that people don’t realize what really happens though–that most of us can’t distinguish that okay, coming out of a funk feeling and the feeling that death is upon us. Can you imagine if people realized that there would exist in time this subtle change of warning? Can you just picture everyone going around searching for or reading into those other types of small changes, thinking it meant they would die every other day? They would all probably be so busy and distracted with that futile search that they would miss the real change. It almost makes me laugh, just the irony of it.

This change can’t be something that you search for, or wait for. If you do, you’ll just miss it anyway. It simply has to be something that you notice, acknowledge and come to terms with all in the same moment.

You won’t have to question it when it happens. You’re just going to know. If you have to question it, it’s not that moment.

Fore me, it wasn’t something I thought of. When it happened it was really small. I was just walking around the city and I looked up and read a street sign and then I knew. Something clicked and I realized what would happen. I don’t even remember what the sign said, that’s how very insignificant that moment was.

I guess I always assumed the moment you came to realize you would die would be more poetic. Like maybe the rain clouds would part just slightly and the sun would break through the darkness in that way where you can see all the rays splitting the particles of the air, like God’s fingers stretching down and across all the empty spaces of your world. But it wasn’t that poetic at all.

I looked up, and I knew. I didn’t see anything divine or poetic. I saw a street post with some words written on it, ya know? But that was it. That was the moment. I wish it had been something more special to share or some better memory to carry with me to the after-life. But it was just a street sign. I couldn’t tell you why.

That’s how life and death are supposed to be, I think. You can’t always know why, or be able to explain it, it’s not always something poetic or divine, sometimes it makes no sense… Life and death just are. They don’t choose sides and they don’t take pity. They answer to no one.

Who am I to deserve a poetic death? I’m no one more than the next guy.

I guess I’m alright with that… I guess I have to be.

——————

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